Marriage: A Wonderful Life.
This week in our Family Relations class we started talking about the beginning of marriage. We have been leading up to this discussion all semester. As most of the students in the class are either newly married, engaged or actively looking to get married or dating, it has been a really fun discussion most of the time. I'm old but I'm not that old that I can't remember the beginning of our marriage. The classes have been fun but also very emotionally difficult for me.
Friday was the six month anniversary of Rick's passing. While sometimes I can't believe he's been gone for six months, other days, it seems like it's been an eternity already. I miss him terribly so while the discussions have been both fun and difficult, if I could give any advice to the young adults in my class and any young adult just embarking on this incredibly amazing adventure called marriage, I would tell you that baring abuse, make a determination now that divorce is not ever going to be on the table. With that said, there will be disagreements and you will irritate each other, when children come along, those things will probably increase but as long as both of you are trying to love each other and serve each other, your life can be so full of amazing joy and fun and excitement. The first few years are filled with a lot of stress but also a lot of amazing discoveries about yourself, your spouse and you as your own unique family.
If I could offer any advice as an old lady who had a wonderfully happy marriage for 33 years and I hope to continue it on into the eternities, In the first few years, establish the way you will disagree. Don't name call, it has nothing to do with the disagreement and could be considered hitting below the belt. Decide what kinds of things are off limits as far as how you will fight. As a married couple, you both will know the most vulnerable spots that will hurt and injure your love the most. Don't even go there. Those places should be totally off limits. Will either of you leave-drive away or will you decide to stay and work it out in the moment. The silent treatment lends to some very icy tension in the house, try not to do it. Hold hands while discussing a problem, it helps. You might need a table between you but touch seems to soften hard and hurt feelings. It took me a few years to figure this one out but, if the issue is not big enough to divorce him over it, I need to get over it or have a frank discussion about it when emotions are not running high. We were told not to go to bed angry, I don't think that was good advice for us, I was not very nice when I was tired. As a frank discussion, Sex really does soften built up resentment. Don't withhold sexual affection, that causes resentment and feels like rejection.
I am so happy that I had the opportunity to experience marriage in all of its glory. I wouldn't trade the pain I feel now for not having had the amazing love of my life and I am a little envious that you are just starting out. It truly is a Wonderful life.
Friday was the six month anniversary of Rick's passing. While sometimes I can't believe he's been gone for six months, other days, it seems like it's been an eternity already. I miss him terribly so while the discussions have been both fun and difficult, if I could give any advice to the young adults in my class and any young adult just embarking on this incredibly amazing adventure called marriage, I would tell you that baring abuse, make a determination now that divorce is not ever going to be on the table. With that said, there will be disagreements and you will irritate each other, when children come along, those things will probably increase but as long as both of you are trying to love each other and serve each other, your life can be so full of amazing joy and fun and excitement. The first few years are filled with a lot of stress but also a lot of amazing discoveries about yourself, your spouse and you as your own unique family.
If I could offer any advice as an old lady who had a wonderfully happy marriage for 33 years and I hope to continue it on into the eternities, In the first few years, establish the way you will disagree. Don't name call, it has nothing to do with the disagreement and could be considered hitting below the belt. Decide what kinds of things are off limits as far as how you will fight. As a married couple, you both will know the most vulnerable spots that will hurt and injure your love the most. Don't even go there. Those places should be totally off limits. Will either of you leave-drive away or will you decide to stay and work it out in the moment. The silent treatment lends to some very icy tension in the house, try not to do it. Hold hands while discussing a problem, it helps. You might need a table between you but touch seems to soften hard and hurt feelings. It took me a few years to figure this one out but, if the issue is not big enough to divorce him over it, I need to get over it or have a frank discussion about it when emotions are not running high. We were told not to go to bed angry, I don't think that was good advice for us, I was not very nice when I was tired. As a frank discussion, Sex really does soften built up resentment. Don't withhold sexual affection, that causes resentment and feels like rejection.
I am so happy that I had the opportunity to experience marriage in all of its glory. I wouldn't trade the pain I feel now for not having had the amazing love of my life and I am a little envious that you are just starting out. It truly is a Wonderful life.
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