Coping in a Crisis
This week, my family relations class was really difficult to sit through. The discussion was on how families deal with crises' that arise. We all have them in one form or another but how do we cope? This was difficult for me because I am currently going through a crisis that I don't know when it will end if it ever will end. The hole in my heart doesn't seem to be getting any smaller or less painful. If anything, it seems to be changing but not diminishing. How to cope is a daily struggle for me and for children, especially my 14 year old. Some days I cope better than others as do my children.
I guess my story began about 4 or 5 years ago. I was serving in my church with a young mom who had 4 kids and a chronically ill husband. My friend is amazing in how she juggles providing for a family and living with the uncertainty of whether or not her husband will survive his next hospital stay. Another friend, whom we became close to just 4 months before her crisis, called me on December 30 and asked me if we had heard from her husband. We hadn't but she seemed really upset so I asked if she wanted me to come over and my husband and son would go looking for him. My daughter took her two young children to our house to be removed from the stress their mom was under. After what seemed like hours and after calling the police to report him missing, Two police officers came to her door and asked her identifying questions about her husband. He had taken his life by stepping in front of a train. I had never seen such anguish in my life. I was also present the next morning when we brought her kids back and she had to tell them that their dad was dead.
After this incident, I was pondering on my two friends and I felt in a kind of epiphany, (actually it was the spirit of God) that their lives up to that point had prepared them to manage the difficulties they would have to face. As I thought about them, my next thought was, Have my experiences prepared me for what I will face in my life? Again the answer was yes. My life has actually been a fairy tale. I was raised in a very loving and functioning home. My married life while not perfect because two imperfect people, trying to get a long, is never perfect. Was also very loving, supportive and happy. I do however hate uncertainty. I know it's kind of ironic because life is uncertain but I hate that part about life.
Now fast forward to December 8, 2017. My husband was in California working and I was in Texas holding down the fort. I had dropped my son off at school and had errands to run. I tried to call my husband and he wouldn't answer the phone. I finally after 3 hours of not being able to get a hold of him, called his parents to go check on him. They found him looking very peaceful. His heart had just stopped sometime in the night or early morning. Shock doesn't begin to describe the first several days. I had to hold it together as my son and I flew to California. So many thoughts were swirling around in my head. How can this be possible? How am I going to do this? What am I going to do? How am I going to provide for myself? To this point, my life had been filled with being a stay at home mom. For 29 years, since the birth of our first son, I hadn't worked outside the home, what can I even do? Then I remembered that experience-My life experiences had prepared me for what was to come. I am not sure exactly how but, I have felt led by both the Lord and my husband's sweet spirit watching over me and our family. I know that because of the family I was raised in and my husband's family's support, when the burdens of doing this alone become too much, they are there to catch me.
Before my husband died, when I worried about the future, the worst thing that I could imagine happening was that my husband or one of my children would die. Well, it happened and as bad as it is, and it is really hard, I have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for my life as well as his plan for my children. We will manage and even thrive because we do have the love and support of each other and our extended families as well as a deep abiding faith in the redemption that comes to all of us through the Savior Jesus Christ. We don't really have a choice about coping after a crisis occurs, the only choice we have is how are we going to cope. Can we eventually see it as an opportunity to grow and change or will it keep us spiraling into a deeper crisis. We don't get to choose the crisis, we only get to choose how we cope with it. I hope I cope well.
I guess my story began about 4 or 5 years ago. I was serving in my church with a young mom who had 4 kids and a chronically ill husband. My friend is amazing in how she juggles providing for a family and living with the uncertainty of whether or not her husband will survive his next hospital stay. Another friend, whom we became close to just 4 months before her crisis, called me on December 30 and asked me if we had heard from her husband. We hadn't but she seemed really upset so I asked if she wanted me to come over and my husband and son would go looking for him. My daughter took her two young children to our house to be removed from the stress their mom was under. After what seemed like hours and after calling the police to report him missing, Two police officers came to her door and asked her identifying questions about her husband. He had taken his life by stepping in front of a train. I had never seen such anguish in my life. I was also present the next morning when we brought her kids back and she had to tell them that their dad was dead.
After this incident, I was pondering on my two friends and I felt in a kind of epiphany, (actually it was the spirit of God) that their lives up to that point had prepared them to manage the difficulties they would have to face. As I thought about them, my next thought was, Have my experiences prepared me for what I will face in my life? Again the answer was yes. My life has actually been a fairy tale. I was raised in a very loving and functioning home. My married life while not perfect because two imperfect people, trying to get a long, is never perfect. Was also very loving, supportive and happy. I do however hate uncertainty. I know it's kind of ironic because life is uncertain but I hate that part about life.
Now fast forward to December 8, 2017. My husband was in California working and I was in Texas holding down the fort. I had dropped my son off at school and had errands to run. I tried to call my husband and he wouldn't answer the phone. I finally after 3 hours of not being able to get a hold of him, called his parents to go check on him. They found him looking very peaceful. His heart had just stopped sometime in the night or early morning. Shock doesn't begin to describe the first several days. I had to hold it together as my son and I flew to California. So many thoughts were swirling around in my head. How can this be possible? How am I going to do this? What am I going to do? How am I going to provide for myself? To this point, my life had been filled with being a stay at home mom. For 29 years, since the birth of our first son, I hadn't worked outside the home, what can I even do? Then I remembered that experience-My life experiences had prepared me for what was to come. I am not sure exactly how but, I have felt led by both the Lord and my husband's sweet spirit watching over me and our family. I know that because of the family I was raised in and my husband's family's support, when the burdens of doing this alone become too much, they are there to catch me.
Before my husband died, when I worried about the future, the worst thing that I could imagine happening was that my husband or one of my children would die. Well, it happened and as bad as it is, and it is really hard, I have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for my life as well as his plan for my children. We will manage and even thrive because we do have the love and support of each other and our extended families as well as a deep abiding faith in the redemption that comes to all of us through the Savior Jesus Christ. We don't really have a choice about coping after a crisis occurs, the only choice we have is how are we going to cope. Can we eventually see it as an opportunity to grow and change or will it keep us spiraling into a deeper crisis. We don't get to choose the crisis, we only get to choose how we cope with it. I hope I cope well.
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