Father's Matter
I have always known that Fathers matter in the lives of their children because I had an amazing Dad and his influence along with my mother's was paramount in formulating me. I was trying to think of the things they helped me become and there isn't anything in my life that they didn't help with in becoming me, the woman I am today. In our family, we had 7 girls and 2 boys plus a mom and dad. You might think that being the Dad of 7 girls would make any man crazy, all those hormones raging at different times of the day or month and add to that two boys whose favorite thing to do was tease the girls and make them scream. At times it was a wild ride but we all love each other and get together as often as possible. My brothers learned how to be men, husbands and fathers from our dad. He is one of the kindest men I have ever known. I don't think I ever heard him say an unkind thing to any of us or about anyone not a part of our family either. That just wasn't the way he thought about things or people. For us girls, we were taught by our dad that we were smart, and capable and could do anything we wanted to. Incidentally, all of us have chosen to be stay at home moms to our children. An example set by our brilliant mother. I am one of the very lucky ones who had a very loving and involved Dad. He was busy and a lot of the day to day interaction that we had was with our Mom but my Mom and Dad were a team and he was very aware of what was going on in our lives and we knew we had his love and support.
This week in our Family Relations class, we were talking about Dads and Money. Kind of an interesting combination. I did some looking at the research coming out of the studies of Families and the behavior of children and teens and mental health. When controlling for other things such as mothers, education, and socioeconomic levels, the research shows how important fathers are in their children's lives. The study I looked at was called, "The Role of Father involvement in Children's later mental health. It looked at the mental health of children at age 7, 16, and 33 both Sons and daughters.
According to the study, time spent together provides parents the opportunity to demonstrate warmth and support and appropriate control and monitoring that are intrinsic to authoritative parenting. (Authoritative parenting is considered to be one indicator of good relationships-lots of love but high expectations)
Closeness to fathers during childhood was positively related to adult daughters and sons educational and occupational mobility, psychological adjustment and well being,
Sons who reported a positive relationship with their father or mother showed relatively low levels of psychological distress. When Fathers and mothers relationship were entered into a regression equation, only the Father's relationship was significantly related to the son's distress.
Children with involved fathers tend to be more psychologically well adjusted, do better in school, engage in less antisocial behavior and have more successful intimate relationships.
Father's involvement and nurturance are positively associated with children's intellectual development, social competence, internal locus of control, and ability to empathize.
Studies of absence of fathers consistently show that in Mother only households, children score lower on measured academic achievements and cognitive ability, have a heightened risk of delinquency. Behavior problems during childhood and adolescence have been shown to be highly predictive of educational failure as well as mental health and conduct disorder.
When one parent, most often the father, lives away from his children, generally investments of parental money and time diminishes.
With all of the data coming from longitudinal studies, why does there continue to be a debate about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children? This may sound a little sexist but I think a lot of it is that women think they can do it alone. We tend to be a very self righteous group, (sorry for the gross generalization) if men don't parent the way we think they should, we think they are doing it wrong. At least that was my personal experience. Once when my children were little, I was being critical of my husband's parenting. He kindly but firmly told me, "I don't tell you how to be a mother, you shouldn't tell me how to be a father." He was exactly correct and I tried to allow him to parent the way he thought he should. Another friend of mine used to tell us, "My husband is an amazing father but he is a really bad mother." Again a very true statement. Children need what both a mother and Father bring to the table.
While the ache in my heart is great because of the loss of my husband, the ache for my children because they lost their Dad is greater. It is especially difficult for my 14 year old. I am very grateful that he had 14 years of his dad's tutelage who was very present in his life. It is now my job to help him see what his dad would have told him or advise he would have given him and it is up to me to make sure his dad remains alive in his memories.
Things sometimes happen that we don't want or anticipate, for the sake of all children, we need to encourage fathers to be present in their children's lives. Another study said, "Father's high quality involvement is beneficial to children's well being and development even when provided by a non resident father.
Thank you to all fathers who are trying to stay present in the lives of their children, it is worth the effort.
This week in our Family Relations class, we were talking about Dads and Money. Kind of an interesting combination. I did some looking at the research coming out of the studies of Families and the behavior of children and teens and mental health. When controlling for other things such as mothers, education, and socioeconomic levels, the research shows how important fathers are in their children's lives. The study I looked at was called, "The Role of Father involvement in Children's later mental health. It looked at the mental health of children at age 7, 16, and 33 both Sons and daughters.
According to the study, time spent together provides parents the opportunity to demonstrate warmth and support and appropriate control and monitoring that are intrinsic to authoritative parenting. (Authoritative parenting is considered to be one indicator of good relationships-lots of love but high expectations)
Closeness to fathers during childhood was positively related to adult daughters and sons educational and occupational mobility, psychological adjustment and well being,
Sons who reported a positive relationship with their father or mother showed relatively low levels of psychological distress. When Fathers and mothers relationship were entered into a regression equation, only the Father's relationship was significantly related to the son's distress.
Children with involved fathers tend to be more psychologically well adjusted, do better in school, engage in less antisocial behavior and have more successful intimate relationships.
Father's involvement and nurturance are positively associated with children's intellectual development, social competence, internal locus of control, and ability to empathize.
Studies of absence of fathers consistently show that in Mother only households, children score lower on measured academic achievements and cognitive ability, have a heightened risk of delinquency. Behavior problems during childhood and adolescence have been shown to be highly predictive of educational failure as well as mental health and conduct disorder.
When one parent, most often the father, lives away from his children, generally investments of parental money and time diminishes.
With all of the data coming from longitudinal studies, why does there continue to be a debate about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children? This may sound a little sexist but I think a lot of it is that women think they can do it alone. We tend to be a very self righteous group, (sorry for the gross generalization) if men don't parent the way we think they should, we think they are doing it wrong. At least that was my personal experience. Once when my children were little, I was being critical of my husband's parenting. He kindly but firmly told me, "I don't tell you how to be a mother, you shouldn't tell me how to be a father." He was exactly correct and I tried to allow him to parent the way he thought he should. Another friend of mine used to tell us, "My husband is an amazing father but he is a really bad mother." Again a very true statement. Children need what both a mother and Father bring to the table.
While the ache in my heart is great because of the loss of my husband, the ache for my children because they lost their Dad is greater. It is especially difficult for my 14 year old. I am very grateful that he had 14 years of his dad's tutelage who was very present in his life. It is now my job to help him see what his dad would have told him or advise he would have given him and it is up to me to make sure his dad remains alive in his memories.
Things sometimes happen that we don't want or anticipate, for the sake of all children, we need to encourage fathers to be present in their children's lives. Another study said, "Father's high quality involvement is beneficial to children's well being and development even when provided by a non resident father.
Thank you to all fathers who are trying to stay present in the lives of their children, it is worth the effort.
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